“Adapt with what? Fairy dust?” ChatGPT lists farmers’ feelings about the past six months

SFI applications are “as clear as a slurry pit”, trying to get answers from the government is “like trying to milk a bull” and harvest might see us “cutting dust instead of crops” – these are among the comments that came up in the ChatGPT list.

Over the past six months, the Labour government has been heavily criticised for a number of its farming and rural policies, including inheritance tax changes, re-classification of double-cab pickups and the sudden closure of SFI applications. 

This is on top of a series of animal disease outbreaks and increasingly unpredictable weather.

With farmers facing an unprecedented mix of challenges, Cambridgeshire farmer Tom Martin turned to ChatGPT to find out the key talking points on the Farming Forum during this period.

“Clueless government”

Predictably, government support and the SFI were top of the list. 

One comment said: “We’re expected to keep this industry alive with one hand tied behind our backs, while every new policy, every new bit of red tape, and every clueless government decision just piles more sh*te onto our plates. 

“And then they have the nerve to turn around and bang on about sustainability, resilience, and ‘support for farmers’. Support? They wouldn’t know what supporting a farmer looked like if it came up and sh*t on their front lawn.”

The SFI and government claims of “record funding” for farming were described as an “absolute clusterf**ck”, the payments are “a joke”, the application process is “as clear as a slurry pit”, and trying to get answers from the government is like “trying to milk a bull”. 

READ MORE: Farmers ‘betrayed again’ as Defra stops SFI applications
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Weather is also high on the list: “As if the industry wasn’t already in enough of a mess, Mother Nature’s decided to get involved. […] At this rate we’ll be cutting dust instead of crops”, one comment said. 

The government was also criticised for not providing a contingency plan or meaningful action: “We’re expected just to ‘adapt’. Brilliant. Adapt with what? Fairy Dust?”

Machinery: Who can afford it?

Farmers said discussion over whether to choose a mounted, trailed or self-propelled sprayer is “all well and good if you’ve got the money to actually buy the bloody things. The rest of us are just trying to keep our ancient kit running with duct tape and blind optimism.”

And responding to calls to modernise and invest in new technology, one farmer said: “I can’t pay for a £200k bit of kit with good intentions and fresh air”.

Ridiculous welfare regulations

Meanwhile livestock farmers “are getting it in the neck from every direction”. 

Key issues listed were: fertility problems, disease outbreaks and “ridiculous welfare regulations dreamt up by people who think milk comes from a carton. […] 

“All so some Twitter activist can feel good about themselves while they tuck into their supermarket steak”.

We won’t just be struggling, we’ll be done 

The post concludes: “We’re being shafted. We’ve got clueless politicians making the rules, supermarkets squeezing us for every last penny, and an environmental lobby that’d be happy to see us all replaced with wildflower meadows and rewilded wolves.”

Despite the humour, the post concludes on a sobering note: “And yet, somehow, we’re still here, still working, still fighting to keep this industry alive. But for how much longer? Because if things carry on like this, we won’t just be struggling – we’ll be done.”

Farmer Tom urged Defra to look at the post as a litmus test of farmer sentiment, alongside the recent NFU survey showing farmer confidence is at its lowest ebb.

Tom also recently urged his followers to write to their MP about government policies around farming, in response to the recent closure of SFI.

He said: “My parents, grandparents who’ve farmed this land, they’ve invested blood, sweat, toil and tears into this land and it’s lost with the stroke of a pen […]. Please write to your MP now, make your voice heard, it doesn’t matter who you are, you count.”

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